This piece was originally written for a writing exercise about two years ago. The prompt was “Fairytell – with a twist.” I re-edited it for publication this evening mostly because I spent the day with my tumultuous two-year old and was unable to finish editing the piece I had originally planned. Life is awesome, but unexpected.
What’ll I have? Your choice Jack. Had a hell of a day. I’m sure you hear that all the time, but I mean it. Better make it a double, and spill a little in the glass.
It started first thing this morning. I woke up when a tree sprouted in the middle of my room. Swear to God! It went straight up through my roof. Well, it’s hard to go back to sleep after that. So I went to get dressed and there is a lion, a freaking huge lion, standing in my Wardrobe! I’m not going to hang out in a room with the King of the Jungle so I got out of there and went to make some coffee.
I get into my kitchen, and there’s some old woman with her legs sticking out of my oven! I went to try and help her and see these two brats running through my garden, so I chased after them, but they took off on some bread trail that I couldn’t follow.
About 30 feet down the path there’s a little girl, this panicked look on her face. I asked her what was wrong and she says that her Grandmother just tried to eat her! Said she had this wolfish look in her eye. I sent her towards the Woodsman’s house and continued on my way.
Now, so far, this day has been pretty strange. Hey, that was pretty good, I’ll have another. So I head into town. The Butcher is outside talking to the Baker and the Candlestick Maker, all helping hang a sign announcing his sale on Three Little Pigs in a blanket. Now, everyone knows that these guys are the biggest gossips in town, so I stop by to see if anyone else is having a weird day. They try tell me that some dish took off with the cutlery and that cows were seen jumping in fields. Well, it was obvious these guys were crazy so I left them and headed into the forest, where I see seven little guys all gathered around this girl in a glass coffin.
Now, I don’t want you to think I’m just some Pinocchio, but I almost cried wolf when I was passed by this rolling pumpkin with a blond in it. I tell you, I just don’t know anymore. This place is getting pretty weird.
Say, these are pretty good, what did you say this drink is called? Fairy-Tale, with a twist. Yeah, that sounds about right tonight, Jack.