Spirits of Relationships Passed: A Story

The door slammed shut hard.

“Dammit!”  Amy turned around, fire in her eyes.  “You’re such an asshole Steven.”

“What? I don’t know what I did!”

“That’s the third guy this month.  You can’t just keep scaring away my dates!”

“Hey if they can’t handle your roommate…”

“I don’t think it’s the roommate situation they can’t handle, Steven.  I think it’s probably the way you come floating up out of the couch we are about to sit down on.”

Steven huffed with an air of indignation.  “Well, that guy was no good anyways.”

“You barely saw him!  How could you possibly know that?”

“His grandmother told me that he stole his dad’s car in 2000,” he stated with finality, folding his arms.

“So he was, like…what, 15?!  I’m sure we’ve all done some things our grandmothers wouldn’t be proud of when we were 15.”

“Yeah, your’s was particularly surprised at the things you did with Bobby in the 10th grade…”

“STOP TALKING TO MY NANA!”  Amy closed her eyes and looked down, struggling to regain her composure.  “Look Steven, this isn’t working,” she said with closed eyes and gritted teeth.  “You can’t keep scaring off my dates.  I’m going to end up alone with 13 cats.”

“And a great roommate!”

“You are not a roommate.  You don’t pay rent.  You don’t go to the store.  You don’t dust.”

“Sounds like a roommate to me!” Steven answered with a smile.

“You’re transparent,” Amy retorted.

“That’s…a little insulting.  And highly accurate.”

Amy looked at him.  “You’ve been with me for a long time.  I’m not really sure how to live without you anymore.  But every single one of my relationships can’t be…,” Amy paused, and with a smirk, “…haunted.”

Steven made a valiant effort, but cracked a smile in spite of himself.  “So, what?  I should just let you Netflix and chill with any guy off the street?  I need to take care of you somehow.  And the physical aspect is slightly more…intangible for me.”

“Well, let’s wait and see if I can even get another date.  I’m beginning to get a reputation.”  Amy turned towards the kitchen.  “Then you can start talking to little old ladies to see if they pass your test.”  She looked at the clock.  “How about an episode of Ghost Hunters or two before I go to bed?”

“Now that’s insulting…” Steven muttered as he headed towards the remote.

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Conspicuous Consumption

There’s too much.  There is just too much.  You can’t turn around anymore without seeing it.  Without being told about how much you need something, how much better this is than that.  I know that I currently work for a company that enables this kind of behavior, and that doesn’t help either.

There’s just too much stuff to watch.  Or listen to.  Or read.

People keep telling me that I just have to watch “House of Cards” or “Breaking Bad,” and I’m just sitting here like, can I maybe start “The Sopranos” instead?  Or can I finish “How I Met Your Mother,” or the rest of the Marvel movies.  And then YouTube!  A whole website dedicated to shit you haven’t seen yet.  I know that there are amazing shows being made there as well, but I don’t have that kind of time.  Including an incredible one made by some friends called “Nicolife.”  No, I’m far too busy listening to the bane of my existence; Podcasts.

I’ve spoken before about how there just isn’t time to catch up on my podcasts, and it is still true.  I pretty consistently have eight in my queue waiting to be enjoyed.  Then I find a new one and feel that I have to go back and listen to them from the beginning, which puts me even further behind on all the others.  Did a new “Hello Internet” come out?  There’s a day gone.  A “Nerdist” with one of my favorite actors?  Have to spend the rest of the day enjoying that!  Uh-oh, a new “Star Wars Oxygen” exploring the music of John Williams is here and I might have to listen to it twice.  If anyone asks if I’ve heard the latest record or hot single, nope!  I was listening to a RadioLab from 6 weeks ago.

All of this without touching upon books.  A couple of weeks ago I wrote of Jenny Lawson’s new book “Furiously Happy.”  It is amazing and you should go read it.  But then I get recommendations like “The Martian,” which is so obviously a great book that I’m afraid to finish it.  Then there are articles and tweets and memes to keep up with.

I have a job.  I have a family.  I’m trying to learn French.  I have other commitments.  But I also have this insatiable need to consume great content.  Keep it coming folks. Just keep it coming.

Please share your recommendations in the comments, I’d love to hear what you watch/read/listen to!  Like I said, I’m a glutton for punishment.

Relative Thoughts of a 32-year-Old

I’m going to be real with you guys for a minute; it is almost my birthday. This has put me in a thoughtful mood. About all the things I thought I would do before I got into my thirties; the trips I would go on, and the books I would write. The house bought and the career settled. Oh how things change.

I know that this isn’t how life works out. Absolutely no one starts and finishes the path they thought they would. And that is ok. That is part of the joy and adventure that is life. But if we don’t set goals, things we strive for and work towards, then we are just bumbling along with no vision for the future. Even if your plan is to see where life takes you, that is still a plan.

Maybe it would be better if I looked at the boxes I’ve checked: a pretty awesome kid, a job I enjoy, I get to write (almost) every day, and I have incredible friends. I have a wife that I love and that loves me. I have my parents. I continue to survive the lies my own brain tells me. I don’t want for anything my life needs. I can drink coffee.

That’s a better list. The other list…well, those things just haven’t happened yet.

The next adventure is out there.
Is it too late to add get a tattoo to the list?