Vacation-gram: Airport Adventures

Hello All!  I am on vacation this week.  And while I am off having fun, or sitting under a fan watching The Avengers (don’t judge), I wanted to make sure you had some enjoyable things to read.  So, here is something I wrote after a trip to Seattle.  Enjoy!

At lunch I somehow struck up a conversation with this woman. She started talking to me about this cruise she just went on to Australia and New Zealand. Then she casually mentioned that she had a space ship.

Cue Comedy Record Scratch.

That’s right kids, an actual, honest to God Flying Saucer.

I’m going to let this sink in for a second. She is waiting for a plane at Seattle/Tacoma International but she has a Space Ship. Does she have proof you ask? Of course! Video, in fact. She shows me a video of two people on the deck of a ship. Then the camera pans to the sun, lens flare ensues and she makes sure to point out that her ship is the pink blob on the left. In the lens flare. Wait, did I say in? I meant THE lens flare. That’s her ship. Oh, and see this ray? They’re going into the ship. And now they’re coming back, in free fall. And now they’re back on the deck. In the same place they were. Like they never left.

But don’t worry folks, she’s going to tell NASA all about it. And show them the evidence.

Thank God she’s not on my…wait, why is she waiting at my gate?

I’m drunk

I start with that because I think we should be honest with each other. I fly better when I’m a little tweaked. It’s not that I’m a nervous flyer, it’s just that flying makes me nervous. It’s a sense of impending doom when I board. And to be honest, why shouldn’t I feel that?! Not to mention, theres a crazy woman on board with me. It’s voodoo magic that keeps us in the air anyway.

So I’m drunk. Ive already had 2 beers before I boarded, and I just sucked down a double Jack and Coke. I think the people next to me are talking about me…

That’s not really what this post is about, though. Really what it’s about is this; I lie when I travel alone. Here’s the conversation I just had:

“Are you from California?”

“No, I live in Seattle. I’m a writer and headed down to LA to meet with my editor.”

“Oh! That’s exciting! Is this your first book?

“Yes. It’s been a long road but totally worth it.”

I know what you’re all thinking, but stop judging. It’s fun and harmless. They were excited! They believed they had met a real author! And now they’re waiting for my novel. By the way, I’m debating who to sell the movie rights to; the Weinstein Brothers really have a great vision for the story, but Spielberg is the bigger name.

I know. It’s awful. I feel guilty, but it’s a little fun too.

This trip was an adventure. I saw some of the most beautiful country I could ever imagine. I got to meet my niece, who I love more than I thought was possible for something that does nothing but eat, poop and sleep. I went to Seattle, which has somehow hoisted itself to the top of my favorite cities list. And I’ve flown alone, which is a first. I’ve also done battle with mental illness (not my own, shut up), and have managed to prove to myself I can write and take pictures with some ability. All in all, I would call this one of my favorite trips I have ever been on. And I can’t wait to do it again.

Wonder what I will be next time…

Well, this whole writing thing has not gone well for me since I got back. I keep trying to find time, but then exhaustion or NyQuil takes over and I’m asleep with my phone in my hand. FYI, I seem to have picked up some sort of plague from the airplane. Or maybe from a Lens Flare Spaceship. Anyways, I didn’t want anyone to think I was just taking NyQuil recreationally. I don’t do that anymore…I mean, crap.

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