My Dear Little Man,
I remember the first time I heard your heartbeat. Everyone says it will be amazing and incredible, a moment that you’ll never forget. And they were all right. I still have the recording on my phone, and I play it sometimes. I look at pictures of your mother while she was carrying you, amazed that this same little guy was hiding in there. I remember the first time I met you, a screaming little ball of raw emotion and soft skin. You cried until I held you up against my skin, then I cried.
I remember your first solid food, and the mess you made with it. I remember how you would stop what you were doing and stare at the television whenever the theme song for Top Gear would come on. I remember your first steps. I don’t remember your first word, although I imagine it was “mommy.” It’s still in the top 10 words you use now.
I remember the first time you asked me to sit with you and read. Or to watch Mickey Mouse. Or watching you play. Or building you a fort. Or saying you wanted your daddy. I remember all of these moments.
I remember them mostly so that when you have a hard time going to sleep, or have a rough morning, or decide to wake me up by jumping on my neck, I know that you are a wonderful kid having a rough time.
I can’t imagine what it would be like to be you; thoughts and feelings and emotions you have no way of understanding. The two people that matter the most to you leave several times a week to do something called “work.” We probably don’t seem very happy about it, but we keep doing it. Not understanding why these furry children get treated so differently. Why our toys look so different from yours. Such a new and crazy world.
I have no idea who you will end up being. I hope you’ll end up a good person. I hope that I can teach you right from wrong. To instill in you a need to help others, and to do good. To leave the world a better place for having you in it. To treat people with respect no matter who they are. To love art and literature. To abhor violence and destruction. I try to do my best to remember that you will have to find your own way in the world you live in.
I try to remember all this when you have a rough day. I try to remember this when you have a rough night. I try to remember it when I have had a rough time too. You don’t know it yet, buddy. But you’ve made everything so much better. Harder? Yes. More difficult? Absolutely. Complicated? Oh my yes. But wonderful.
So very wonderful.
We Love You,